Theatre Ship

Welcome to the first page of my first Walkthrough ever! Kinda makes you proud to even be here, doesn't it? Anyway, I may leave a few things out on accident, but if you talk to me, I'll be sure to fix them to the best of my ability.

On to the game! It opens up with a dark and stormy FMV, which I'm sure is no problem for you, but I don't like it. it does absolutely nothing for the plot of the story. First, it's a dream, then we find out the princess (I guess) has fallen asleep in her chair. How stupid can people be? Come on, who sleeps in a chair? And besides, it provides no significant background information. It certainly shows that wherever you are had good construction workers. Imagine how hard it would have been to put that huge sword up in the middle of a castle! Hell, BlueHighwind and I are the only two people who can use it! Anyway, it finishes of with some guy (Who has a tail?!?!?) walking into a room and lighting a match. If you want, there's two treasures to pick up behind the table with the candle, but you can pick those up later if you lit the candle already. It's just some 48 Gil and a Potion. Then it'll ask for your name. (If you pick Zidane, it'll be a lot easier to understand the rest of the walkthrough.) Anyway, three freaky-looking guys come out of the right door and talk to you for a couple seconds, then an even freakier-looking guy comes out the left door, and your first boss battle for this game begins.

Boss Battle: Masked Man


Steal: Potion, Wrist, Mage Masher

This guy is stupid easy. If you fail this battle, you are a disgrace to video-gaming and you should never touch another controller ever again. Ever. Not even a remote control. But don't worry about reviving Cinna if he dies, he's worthless. Anyway, as with most boss battles, when you have Zidane in your party, or someone who can steal, Steal whatever they have. Be sure not to kill the boss before you look at what they have to offer. For example: This guy has a Mage Masher. You may not know what that is, but you'll want it when you know what it is. One thing that you're going to have to do when you read this Walkthrough is to trust me. qoute: "I say; you do. No question."

Now that you've beaten him, his little head falls off and you find it's just the Boss, hiding in a Dragon Suit. Anyway, you go into the next room with everyone else, and discuss your plan to kidnap Princess Garnet, before another FMV introduces our next Playable Character.


Welcome to Alexandria, the city we've seen in full view twice now, emphasizing the miniscule importance of the first two FMVs. I think this FF is the best, but still could've been better, because they were missing only one thing; voices. It's terrible. Anyway, as we saw in the latest FMV, our new Character is a little Black Mage, who totally kicks ass. He's my favorite character, second only to Zidane. I can't think off any reason not to like him. First, you get knocked down by a running kid. Then a little girl helps you up and gives you your ticket, which you dropped. As soon as she leaves, you get control of your new character. Go down until the screen changes. The city of Alexandria, at this point, is covered with Child's Play items to pick up. It's not much, but if you insist. First things first, open your menu and go to Config. Change your Movement to Run. Of course this is optional, but I much prefer it running automatically instead of walking or holding down O all the time. Run around the edge of this circular map and you should find three cards, a Sahagin, a Lizard Man, and a Zombie. Now you can go back to the other map. Now that you're back go to the building on your right, where the nice little girl helped you up. On the bottom floor, you'll find Grandma's savings of 9 Gil under the bed and a Potion under the table in the top corner. On top, you'll find a Fang card under the cabinet. You can now exit the house and continue. Walk upwards until you get hit by a Rat Kid. (you can't dodge him, don't even try.) Up on the left, next to a wheelbarrow of fruits and Veggies is another Potion. Continue up. In the grass patches on either side of your new screen is 33 Gil and a Goblin Card. Since you now have 5 cards, you can choose to start playing now or later. I fail, so I'm gonna wait. Go into the building center-screen. Walk towards the left and there will be a girl in a pink dress. Wait until she move, then get the Potion in the bottom-right corner. Then go to the oppposite side of the screen where you will find a Flan Card next to a barrel and 27 Gil on the other side of the table it's next to. Leave the Bar and go Left to the next screen. There's 38 Gil in the Item shop to the right of this screen, but otherwise, go up. DO NOT go to the ticket booth yet, unless you aren't playing the card game mini-game in this Game. Instead, Go all the way to the top. There will be two guards blocking access to the castle. just beneath this path and tothe right is a Phoenix Pinion, pick it up, it's worth 1000 gil. In the left part of the Synthesis Shop, which is the shop farthest to the left of your screen, is an Ether. Those are valuable. There are three girls to the left of the screen playing jump-rope. play if you dare. At 20 jumps, you get 10 gil. At 50, you get a Cactuar Card. At 100, you get a Genji Card, and at 200, you get an Alexandria Card. My record is 200. I promise I didn't spend more then 15 minutes on that. Try and see if you can beat it. If you ware wanting to collect cards. I don't know where else you can find the Genji Card. Otherwise, continue left into the alleyway. continue through the alley, and then you'll find a house in the next screen. Go in and look in the top-left for an Echo Screen. Go out andd down a little more and go to the chapel. Go up the ladder and ring the bell for three more cards You can also find a Tent in the grass on the left. If you really want it, there's three gil by the bed in the house with the little girl in it. You have to wait until she leaves. Now you can finally go back and punch your ticket. Or can you? Your ticket's fake, but the ticketmaster pities you and gives you three cards. Now you have to find a guy by the name of alleway Jack to find out about how to play cards. So go to the alley and wait for him. At first, Dante the Signmaker almost cusses you out for "Making him miss". Next, once he leaves, that rat kid comes back. Tell him you'll be his slave to get into the show. Then tell him noone's coming. He'll grab the ladder and run down the alley with it. Next, A guy with 4 arms will start walking towards you. If you want to know how to play cards, talk to him, he's Alleyway Jack. Otherwise, follow the Rat Kid. Once you get to the steeple, he'll tell you to climb the tower, even thought it's "very dangerous". Once you approach the tower, a moogle will fall on you and the rat kid will tell you about moogles. There's supposed to be someone around here with an Ifrit Card if you play him, but I don't know who. Anywat, Rat Kid decides to climb the tower first. (with a ladder three times as big as him!!!) Then a Camo Army-lookin Moogle comes in and starts talking. His names Stiltskin, apparently and he's going on a trip. He leaves without so much as a "Hi, Bye." to you. Ignorant Bastard. Meanwhile, the rat is ordering you up the tower. Go on up after you've saved. This is the last chance for anything you've left behind, and if you're into minigames, the jump-rope one is gone forever once you get to the top. Half-way there, we finally get to name Vivi! Anyway, continue to follow him to the castle and stop by the button-looking things for an extra 175 gil or so. This leads to another FMV.

I feel sorry for you if you look at the wrong moment and see the disgusting purple Blob that is Queen Brahne. This has to be the worst FMV in the game, once again giving no important information or significant eye candy.

Semi-boss Battle: King Leo HP: 186 Steal:None Anyways, back to the game. The Boss, as King Leo, introduces the play, and a few yadas later, we're in a battle. There's nothing to steal, and the SFX does nothing, so hurry it up and kill Leo right away.

Next, Leo walks off wounded, and you and Blank start "sword-fighting". If you like this mini-game, get a perfect. you'll get a lot of gil from the crowds. My best was 93 from a perfect. After the fight, You and Blank will knock out a couple guards and steal their uniforms. Oh, shit! If you forgot the Mognet from Alexandria, like I did, don't worry about it, you can get that particular letter delivered later in the game. Anyway, go up the circular staircase and you'll be hit by a girl dressed funny. It doesn't matter which option you choose. Anyway, after your little meeting, you'll run down the stairs and chase after her, because that's the princess! After this, it cuts to a scene where to clowns are running around shouting how they're in trouble and have to hurry!!! Anyways, this all leads to Queen Brahne sending Steiner and Beatrix to go and find the Princess. And you get your next playable character, Steiner! After you scolding two of your knights, you gain control of yourself. lol. Follow your two knights into the room where Zidane and Blank knocked out the two guards and there will be a moogle there. Save and read the mognet. Go out and sround to where you first saw the twins. Then go down from there until the screen changes. From here, go left and up through two more screens. Go up from there to get to a tower. Climb it, and you will cut to an FMV.

This one was funny!. I love how people are flying on ropes that would probably snap under that pressure! But Stiener put in an extra amusing part! Okay, STOP as soon as you gain control of your character. If you decided against getting the gil and Potion in the first room of the game, now is your only chance to get them. As soon as you enter the next room, Garnet will push over Ruby. That's your cue to go down the stairs and claim your treasure. Otherwise, talk to Ruby and continue down the stairs, where the Princess will ask you to kidnap her, and Cinna will scare the shit out of her. Just throwing this out of nowhere, I really liked the tantalus emblem on the rug under neath the candle-lit table. Anyway, you go into the next room, which instead of a dead end, turns into an escape route. You are followed by Steiner and Pluto Knight. When Pluto Knight jumps in, he "gets stuck" and fools Steiner into taking the long way. There's nothing in this room, so run into the next one, where you'll fight Steiner. "Pluto Knight" will come through the other side and surprise Steiner by being a Tantalus Member. You'll fight him with Zidane, Blank, and Cinna.

Semi-Boss Battle: Steiner


Steal: Leather Hat, Silk Shirt.

This is another wasting time battle, steal what oyu can, then kill him. I love how fat the armor is on Blank, until Steiner removes it after the battle.

Anyway, you all go on-stage during the play, so you have to work this out and improvise. Of course Steiner isn't smart enough to know what's going on, same case with blob-lady, who starts crying like the bitch she is. Anyway, this turns into a Pluto Knight chasing the Rat Kid and Vivi on stage, where Vivi light's Garnet's head on fire! AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Anyway, she removes her robe and everyone sees Garnet on stage. Now Steiner and his two knights try to fight you again.

Semi-boss Battle: Steiner

HP: 167



HP: 50


Well, you're still using SFX, so you can't steal nothing, which is what they have, anyway. Kill the guards in one blow when Vivi's turn comes around, other than that focus attacks on Steiner. (If you don't know how to hit everyone on one side, hit L1 for enemies and R1 for allies, it doesn't work for all spells e.g. Shell, Protect.)

Anyway, this leads to yet another FMV where Brahne gets fed up with Steiner completely failing at his job, so she starts shooting at the Prima Vista. When the chains she shoots fail, (again, miserably) she decides to hell with it, and shoots in a bomb (which we get to fight, YAY!)

Boss Battle:


HP: 162 (he keeps going, and going, he must be a new type of silver energizer bunny)



HP: 526


Quote: "Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more!" This Steiner guy takes his job waaaaaaaaay to seriously. He won't stop! It's annoying! Anyway, you cant even target the bomb, since the Energizer Knight has his fat ass between the ?2...3...6 of you, and he doesn't even know there's a bomb behind him cause he's too smart and dumb to look behind hisself. Anyway, kill him and you'll cut to another FMV.

Even though the bomb exploded in the ship, everyone's all right, and the ship's left with nothing but ash and a smoke trail. Dude, this game needs a serious reality check! Anyway, Brahne gets but-hurt and throws a bitch-fit, breaking the only thing in her hand that could shield us from her ugly face, (her fan thingy) and the Prima Vista drifts away from the castle.

Then, we cut to another scene where Cinna says: "We're gonna crash!" The only realistic thing that's been said in ten minutes, and it had to be the stupidest thing! Come on! Then, just when you thought the FMVs were over, we see the Prima Vista crash and explode in a dark forest under thick cloud cover, in one more FMV.

Now we see Queen Brahne tell her clowns to go get Garnet, then we cut to another FMV, where we see the Prima Vista in one piece?!?!?!?!?!?!?! WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?! I SPECIFICALLY REMEMBER IT EXPLODING TWICE AND IT'S STILL THERE!?!!??!?!?!?!? THE GUY WHO WROTE THIS GAME NEEDS TO BECOME A REALIST PERTY QUICK, MAN!!! Anyway, that's it for this section, so if you are still playing this Reality-defiant game, go to the next page.

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